My father is and was a very "interesting" fellow. To the outside world, he was a respected family doctor; personable, mild mannered, easy to talk to and funny. But as soon as he would come through the door at home, he would literally explode. His carefully controlled veneer of calm normalcy would disintegrate, and he became a raging beast of man without much in the way of restraint or reason.
Dad had a rare talent for stringing countless curse words together - varying the volume for the most dramatic effect. He was very creative with it, too, often pairing profane terms that normally wouldn't go together, like "Jes_s Mother Fu__ing Chr_st" or "G_d D_mned Son of a B_tching Wh_re". Somehow he just made it work.
Fortunately (at least for our neighbors) we lived out in the country, where Dad could bellow and cuss to his heart's content without incident. At first, I remember being frightened by Dad's tirades, but as I grew older, they became a comforting sign that things were normal in our household.
Dad didn't need to have something to swear about, in fact, he often seemed to be looking for an excuse to blow his lid. And with a house filled with 5 kids, up to 15 dogs, cats, and sometimes reptiles, Dad had lots of fodder to fuel his fury. Nonetheless, it wasn't out of the ordinary to see Dad intentionally drop a jar of jam on the floor or knock over a glass of water - just so he could justify his need to diffuse.
Dad had a few other idiosyncrasies as well. He often would not look you in the eye when speaking to you, and he had this odd way of being "helpless", despite having the ability to bring babies into the world and perform surgical procedures. And by "helpless", I mean that he seemingly was incapable of getting supper started if my Mom was late getting home from her job. Instead of taking measures to help expedite dinner being served, he would sit at the table and sulk, head in hands, with a glass of beer and Cheezies to console him while he waited for my Mom to get home. It was like my Dad was permanently frozen in the "terrible twos" stage of his development.
It was only very recently that the idea that Dad may indeed have Asperger's Syndrome (High Functioning Autism Spectrum Disorder) sprouted in my brain. You see, my 6 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with the very same condition. She has a very low tolerance for frustration, and as a result is prone to what are called "meltdowns" - episodes of extreme rage where she screams out horrible things, throws objects, hits, bites and is downright scary.
I recently attended a course of study in A.B.A. Therapy (Applied Behavioral Assessment), where many different traits that have been seen in children in the Autism Spectrum were discussed. It was there, while trying to learn how to help my daughter, that I had my epiphany about Dad. You see, many people with ASD have been known to string cuss words into long chains. It's also common for those with Autism to keep a calm demeanor around people and in situations where they are either not all that comfortable - or need to maintain an air of professionalism. This apparently causes frustration to build inside them, and they release it as soon as possible once they are in safe surroundings. (Kind of like holding your pee during a long car ride).
It's certainly not outside the realm of possibility that Dad has Asperger's Syndrome. For me, it's kind of a relief to believe it, since the alternative explanation for Dad's behavior is that he is just an a__hole. It's easier to cope with the first idea, for sure. And if it's true, maybe it's not to late to apply some of my ABA training to help modify his behavior!
